When I loved myself enough

One of my favourite books of all time is a book called "When I loved myself enough" by Kim McMillan.  Kim lists things that she sees as self love toward herself. I highly recommend it if anyone is looking for a thought provoking book.  


One of Mish's podcasts is her lesson "Your body is perfect".  In it, she talks about how our bodies are actually perfect.  When I put good nutrition into my body, when I exercise it, my body loses weight.  When I put poor nutrition into my body and don't exercise it, my body gains fat.  If I do the same exercise day in day out, my body begins to burn less calories to save energy.  There's nothing wrong with my body.  In fact, there never has been!  My body does exactly what it is meant to do.  It is, in fact, perfect!


I can't believe I've spent so long at war with my body, hating on it, thinking it was "less than"!


I had a bit of a breakthrough this week.  I realised that living a healthy lifestyle (that is: good nutritious food and exercise) is something I now do not because I have to, or because I should.  Instead, I do it from a place of self-love because I am worth it.  

It has become more of a willing conscious choice, than a forced one.




When I loved myself enough I realised that my body is perfect.  


When I loved myself enough, I chose to live a healthy life style as a gift for being the wonderful person that I am.

Flexing the willpower muscle - am I being too hard on myself?

I suppose I should put a disclaimer on what I’m about to write.  I really do consider that I have a pretty strong willpower muscle, developed since April, and I’m really proud of how strong it is. 

I organised a Christmas in July morning tea at work that was held a couple of weeks ago.  Everyone brought in this delicious looking and incredibly sugar loaden food but despite this, during the morning tea, I didn’t touch a single thing.  Even when I had to cut some doughnuts and cake and I got some cinnamon sugar and icing on my fingers, I didn’t even lick my fingers when I was done.  I just went straight to the sink and washed my hands.  The food sat in the kitchen throughout the day and I didn’t touch a single thing, although was tempted on the couple of times I went to make a cup of tea or fill up my water bottle.

I posted a while ago about how I was given a chocolate cupcake from one of the cupcake shops and I gave it away to a work colleague (although I entertained the thought of how nice it would taste before I did!).

I get that my willpower muscle is strong based on those events, but that doesn’t mean that it was easy.  Each and every situation I have come across where I’ve flexed that willpower muscle, has meant I’ve had to make the conscious choice not to eat that food.  It often involved some serious deliberation in my head, weighing up the options (is it really worth it? will I think it’s worth it if I weigh myself on Wednesday and I haven’t lost as much as I wanted? how will I feel if I don’t eat it and get a great result on Wed vs how will eating the food make me feel? Will I look back at this moment in time in 6 months and think, gee I wish I had that chocolate slice etc? is this honouring the commitment I made to myself, and to Michelle?).

One of my biggest goals right now is to get to a headspace where the choice becomes subconscious and not a conscious one.  I want to be one of those people who really can take it or leave it, without having to deliberate in their head about it before making the choice.

I was discussing this with a friend on the weekend and he thinks I’m being too hard on myself.  He thinks I should just be happy with the fact I have such a strong willpower and can make the conscious decision and stick with it.

Am I being too hard on myself, or am I setting myself a realistic goal?

Since the move...

So it's been a couple of weeks since I last updated this blog, mainly because life has been so insanely crazy with organising to move interstate, and then the actual moving.  

My most exciting news is that because I couldn't weigh in on Wednesday (because everything was still in Sydney, then we couldn't find the TV power cord to set the Wii up blah blah blah), I weighed in today to discover that I have lost another 3.2kg since I last weighed in 12 days ago.  So freakin' happy.  Even more exciting is that this brings me to exactly 15kg loss so far!!!! I almost can't believe it!!!!!!

I've kept up with squeaky clean eating the entire time which I'm incredibly proud of myself.  On my first day back at work last week, my old supervisor had brought in some little fairy cupcakes to welcome me back.  I was trying to work out in my head how to tell her that I don't eat cupcakes any more when she found out that our Director was not coming to the morning tea and she was so upset I didn't want to upset her any more by not eating the cupcake so I ate it.  I didn't even want to eat it, that's the stupid thing.  I was disappointed to have broken my squeaky clean eating streak with the cupcake I didn't even want, but proud that while eating it, I didn't even really want to eat it.  I skipped my afternoon snack (which is OK) to make sure I remained within my calorie count for the day.  Does it count if I didn't want to eat it in the first place? LOL

The exercise hasn't been so great though since moving here.  I've really struggled.  I have been leaving work at 4.45pm, getting a 5pm train home but by the time I get home it's 6pm.  There's no way I'm walking/running around this suburb after dark (or even at dusk) on my own given the high crime rate and dodgy surroundings. The only thing I have done since I've been here is go to boot camp on the weekend (I went to the one at New Farm on my second day in Brisbane, despite being exhausted from moving stuff).

I've got to get onto organising a gym membership which I'll hopefully do this week or the next (depending on $$$).  I've decided now that things are unpacked and I have a backpack again, I'm going to take everything to work in that with gym gear until I get a gym membership and in the afternoons, I will walk/jog over to South Bank and catch the train from there instead of Central.  It'll mean I get home later but that's not a big deal.  It might not be as much as I should be doing, but that's gotta be better than nothing I figure.

So as you can see, it's little wonder I'm thrilled with a 3.2kg loss given the lack of exercise.  I was seriously praying that my eating had been squeaky clean enough to get me over the 1kg loss/week line so when it was 3.2kg for 12 days, I was stoked!!!!

YAY for me :)

I did it - I registered for the City2Surf

And I'm running to raise funds for the Bears of Hope Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support.

I would love it if you have been affected by pregnancy and/or baby loss either directly or indirectly and can spare a couple of dollars to donate by clicking on the link below:

http://www.fundraise.city2surf.com.au/annmaree_findlay

Thanks heaps :)

The story of the chocolate cupcake

I’m doing some temp work at the moment (until Friday) and my temp agency came into work this afternoon and she handed me a little box with a cupcake in it from the Cupcake Shop.

I didn’t want to be rude because it was nice of her to do so I accepted it.  After she left, I opened the box and looked inside.  A chocolate cupcake.  It looked delicious. 

I sat there at my desk and stared at the chocolate cupcake.  I smelt it (I’m sure if any of my work colleagues saw me, they would have thought I was nuts).  I closed my eyes and imagined how good it would taste, and how it would feel in my mouth.  I imagined how good I would feel eating it and satisfying the urge for chocolate, especially since I haven’t had any sort of junk now for 8 weeks.

I closed the box again and thought about how good it will feel tomorrow when I get a good number on the scales.  I imagined getting to my goal weight, and how freaking awesome I will feel.  I pictured getting that positive pregnancy test because I’ve lost so much weight, my body has gotten back to ‘my normal’ again.  I imagined how it would feel to get that far without eating any of this sort of unhealthy food.

I very promptly gave the chocolate cupcake to a work colleague who was more than willing to take it off my hands.  Neither she or anyone else could quite believe how anyone could give up a chocolate cupcake (or any cupcake for that matter).  They were in awe of my ability to give it away without a second thought (little did they know! Ha!).

Tonight when I got home, I went down to the gym in our building and burnt off that chocolate cupcake that I didn’t eat.  In fact, I burnt off almost 3 chocolate cupcakes that I didn’t eat - 581 calories (Based on MyFitnessPal which says the cupcake is worth 200 cals).

And might I say, I’m mighty proud of myself tonight. 

Cupcake - 0
Me - 1

A big week - Week 1

Well as often goes in my life I always seem to tackle things at the hardest of times.  The last time I went on a "health kick" was just before Christmas, two Christmases ago.  It was horrible watching everyone eat all that food while I was trying to be healthy, not to mention being at my parents' place with all the temptations (and at times, being offered) of chocolate, softdrink and potato chips.

This time, I just started following the meal plans in Mish's Crunchtime Cookbook just before Easter and therefore abstained from chocolate over Easter.

So, of course Week 1 and I have to fly up to Queensland for a job interview on Thursday night.  Which means working the same hours I'd normally do in my 5 day week in 4 days.  Which means longer hours each day.  Which also means getting my nails done after work one night because they were looking ratty and I couldn't go to an interview with ratty nails.  Which of course meant going after work.  Which of course all translates to is really long days, longer than what I'm used to.  I was wrecked the entire week.

I'm not a morning person, I can't (or perhaps choose not to) get up early in the morning to exercise - the reasons why are another blog post though.

All this meant that I didn't exercise much.  Excuses? Perhaps.  But it is also the reality in which I lived last week.

I ate clean, I made sure of it.  I wanted to minimise the damage done by not exercising.  I took dinner with me to work and ate it before I went to the airport on Thurs night so I wasn't tempted by any food at the airport or on the plane.  I had a filling breakfast on Friday before I went to the city.  I chose a salad from Sumo Salad for lunch.  I was staying with a friend who is also doing the 12WBT which meant that Friday night and Sat morn were safe as we were eating the same stuff.  On Saturday I took healthy snacks with me in my handbag to eat on the plane or at the airport so I wasn't tempted once again by unhealthy food.  I'm pleased to say it worked.  I didn't eat any unhealthy food the whole time!!!

I made up for it today for Super Saturday (but on Sunday).   I did week 1 and week 2 of the C25K podcast down in Parramatta Park and then down by the river to finish off.  Only burnt off 724 calories but I'm still happy with that given that was in an hour and a half.  I could have done extra if I had the time today.

Tomorrow I'll be back on the horse though.

I'm not quite sure how I'm going to handle the end of the week though.  Monday and Tuesday I'll be fine.  Wednesday afternoon I am getting my nails touched up after work and then catching up with an old work colleague before I go.  Thursday afternoon I have a hairdressing appointment after work.  Friday afternoon I have a spray tan booked (and let's face it, I can't jog after that!!!).

I know some would say JFDI and get up in the morning early and while I'll aim to do it at least two days out of the three, it's really going to make me as exhausted as I feel this week.  I asked Lisa the Dietician on the forum about my issue with exercising in the morning and making me lethargic for the rest of the day, and she recommended I see the doctor as I have done everything she would have suggested.  I can't see a doctor til I've moved so it's going to make it difficult.

Anyway I'd best finish this post here, it's taken me hours to write as I've been packing and cooking in between.  Hope it all makes sense! I'd read over it, but I really must hit the shower and head to bed.

Night!
xo

If you can dream it - you can achieve it

"I want you to paint me a word picture. Pretend today is not today. You are not nervous, or overwhelmed or apprehensive or excited about the next 12 weeks. You are none of those things because you have LIVED it! You are at the finish line!"


Today I have just finished the City 2 Surf.  I'm hot.  I'm sweaty.  I smell from the sweat.  I'm thirsty.  My legs hurt.  My feet hurt.  My hands are red and swollen.  


I did it.  I completed the City 2 Surf again.  This time though, I blitzed it.  Shaved some time off last year's time.  Best of all though, I beat my Sydney Boy.  Last year he was half an hour faster than me.  Not this year.  


It wasn't as hard as last year though.  This time I was ready for it. 


I actually trained for the event this time so in some ways, today was easier.  Yet it was harder.  I pushed myself harder than I did last year.  I'm also about 10 kilos lighter than this time last year, 20 something kilos lighter than I was at my heaviest.  That makes today much easier - much less weight to have to carry around on these feet of mine.


I'm proud of myself.  I have now managed to eat clean for not only the 12 weeks of the 12WBT, but the 6 weeks prior to that too.  That's a total of 18 weeks with NO junk food.  NO chocolate, NO takeaway, NO soft drink.  It hasn't always been easy, I wont lie - life gets in the way sometimes and not only have I had to be disciplined and learn the art of saying "no thanks, I'm not hungry" to someone offering bad food, even if I was ravishing but I've had to be super organised to make sure those situations are few and far between.  I've eaten my 'healthy' food while sitting across the table from my boyfriend who is eating food full of crap.  I've not been tempted to have any.


I have managed to exercise 6 days a week for the last 12 weeks, plus the 6 weeks before the 12WBT started.  Even when I'm tired, busy, cold.  Even when I didn't feel like it.


I look over at my boyfriend and see how proud he is of how far I've come.  He loved me before, there was never any doubt about that.  Now though, there's admiration for the strength I've shown to do this.


All the hard work and dedication has paid off and I couldn't be happier.


Best of all though, I've just found out that I'm pregnant.  The City 2 Surf pales in comparison to this news.  Every day I felt tired, busy, cold, didn't feel like it, I trained anyway reminding myself that every kilo I lose will make me 1 kilo closer to getting pregnant.  Every time I looked at bad food and thought "that would be nice", I asked myself whether I'd prefer that food or the baby.  


I chose the baby.  And guess what? I am getting one!


Hard work DOES pay off.  Eating healthy and exercising is the key to weight loss.  Who would've thought?!

Food food and more food!

Thought I'd do another food post.  Here goes...

Baked Fish & Chips

Quinoa with Cinnamon and Golden Syrup 

Open Beef Burger

Mediterranean Chicken Parcel

Lemon and Oregano Roast Chicken

Smoked Salmon Wrap

Chicken Skewers

I cracked the 10kg mark!

Well, I was sick yesterday when the last pre-season task came out so I weighed myself this morning. I figured I'd have to get into the habit of weighing myself on Wednesday instead of Sunday.

And what a shock I got when I weighed myself today!!! I have apparently lost 1.5kg since Sunday!!!!!!

Which means that I have now lost 10.1kg in pre-season (all but a couple of kilos anyway).

Which also means I've reached a goal (just) - 10kg AND it also means that I'm just 800g away from reaching my next goal - double figures! YAY for me!!!

My boyfriend comes home from job hunting in Queensland tonight so I'll get him to take the photo for me tomorrow and I'll do the other measurements then...

At this rate, I'll be in the 80's by the end of this 12 weeks! Just have to make sure I keep working hard so I don't plateau!!!

I just found my ultimate commitment

I jumped onto Facebook this afternoon and saw this post:

I had already put the City 2 Surf as one of my goals, but when I saw this post, that was it, it sealed the deal.

Pregnancy loss is an issue close to my heart after having a miscarriage of my own almost 3 years ago (5 June) and I think that the Bears of Hope organisation do a wonderful job.  I just wish I'd have been given a bear when I lost my twins 3 years ago.

For every $45 I can raise, a gift bag will be given to a baby lost family in honour of my baby/ies which includes (amongst a number of things) a bear, candle, photo frame, poem etc etc.

If that wasn't enough, when I read that if I raise $250 I can get a personalised shirt that says "I am running for XXXX", I realised that whether or not I raise the $250 for that shirt, I will make it my mission to run for not only my twins, but all of the babies taken too soon from their parents, and for all those parents who have been left heartbroken, feeling isolated and alone, that nobody 'gets it' and that nobody cares.

I care.  I 'get it' and they are not alone.

To seal the deal, I posted it in my status update on my own Facebook:

There's no turning back now.  

Weigh in day

I weighed myself this morning and have lost another 1.7kg this week.  Am incredibly happy with this result - it makes me want to power on even more!

3kg to go and I am rewarding myself with a spray tan!

A report from yesterday

Yesterday was a big day for me.  I got up really early (as in 5.50am) and went to Kingswood for an early morning walk with a fellow 12WBT'er and my Sydney Boy.  I'm not sure how far we walked for as my fellow 12WBT'er hasn't sent me the calculations yet and I forgot to put my app on but I burnt off 459 calories which I was pretty happy with...

Afterwards, we headed to the Blue Mountains as I've always wanted to go there, but just never made it.  We had a wonderful time, except for the fact I ignored the sign to walk on the carpet and not the board walk in wet and cold weather and managed to slip.  My right foot went sliding down the ramp as my left knee came down onto the board walk and slid too.  I now have a big nasty gash on my left knee, even though I was wearing long pants.  It's so sore and hurts to bend, not to mention I had a really bad night's sleep last night because every time the sheet touched it, it woke me up :(

With the arthritis in my right knee playing up in the last couple of days and now my left knee is sore to move, I'm glad that today was my rest day anyway.  Not sure how I'll go with tomorrow's exercise.  Guess I'll just have to push through it eh!?  Just so you know I'm not making it up... here's a pic:

I managed to burn 114 calories anyway for the walk between the railway and the cable way despite the sore knee, and I forgot to start my HRM after we got off the sky way and went for another walk, but oh well...

I was also really proud of myself that I had also packed a healthy lunch (Open Chicken Burgers) to assemble and eat for lunch, as well as a banana and an orange (pre cut so there were no excuses!).  I'm really glad I did because I would have been very tempted by the hot chips and chicken nuggets in the Kiosk!

So minus the knee injury it was a good day :)

I will be committed (and not to the looney bin!)

So, pre-season task 5 is say it out loud.  Mish talks about making a commitment to ourselves and those around us.  She says to say it out loud, and tell everyone.  I'm not too sure about telling everyone (well at least not on Facebook LOL) but I will tell those who care, those who are important to me but then they already know what I'm doing.


So here goes... this is my commitment:

My commitment is to follow the meal plans and avoid situations where I’ll be tempted to eat something bad, unless of course, the situation is out of my control.  I commit to trying meals that I wouldn’t ordinarily try in order to change my taste buds.  My commitment is to train 6 days a week for the entire 12 weeks (and beyond) in preparation for the City to Surf.  I commit to doing the City to Surf again this year and doing it quicker than last year.  I commit to this lifestyle change and to see it as just that, not just a diet that will end at the end of the 12 weeks. 

I am committed to do the work it takes to get me there.

Some maths

Reading Mish's book, Crunchtime, she talks some basic and yet simple maths about losing weight.

The basic formula is:

calories in less calories out = calorie surplus or deficit.

Calories out = the calories you burn + your basal metabolic rate (the calories your body will burn if you stay in bed and do nothing all week)

So, to calculate my basal metabolic rate:

655.1+
983.84 (9.46 x 104kg) +
299.7 (1.85 x 162cm) -
112 (4.48 x 25years old)

Therefore my basal metabolic rate is 1826.64 per day, or 12786.48 per week.

So, if I ate 1200 calories a day over a week, calories in would equal 8400 calories.

So far, the equation would look like this:

8400 calories - (12786.48 + calories burned at the gym) = -4386.48.

So how many calories do I need to do each session at the gym then?

According to Michelle, in order to lose 1/2 kilo a week, you have to be in deficit by 3500 calories.  So, if I want to achieve my 1kg a week goal, I have another 3500 calories to burn at the gym each week,which works out at 583 calories per session (6 sessions a week).  WOW.  I had hoped that perhaps my 350 cals might be enough, but I think I may very well have to rethink that if I'm to achieve my goal...

So glad I did the maths!

Pre-season task 4: Gear Up

So pre-season task 4 was pretty easy for me - I have plenty of singlets and a work out t-shirt and a couple pairs of long pants so I'm all set (will just steal Sydney Boy's jumper in winter when it's cold ;) hehe).

The exciting news though is that I managed to get a FT7 Polar Heart Rate Monitor from Rebel Sport yesterday for $149.99, saving $50.  Pretty stoked about that.  I used it last night at the gym and burnt up 358 calories which I was a little disappointed at as I would have thought I'd have burnt off more.  Guess that's all part of the learning process though eh?

Today I had PT but my arthritis in my knees have been really bad so we stuck to the reformer 'contraption', I don't know what it's called but it looks like a torture device.  I only burnt 312 calories today and most of that was on the very brisk walk to the gym (yes I counted that because I use that as a warm up so I'm warmed up and ready to go for my PT session).

I've also started to document calories in and calories out.  Weigh in day is Sunday so I'm a bit late to do the mathematical equations to see how accurate they are, but I'll start documenting it all anyway so from Sunday I'll know...

The only thing I do need to acquire is socks... YAY

Bring on pre-season task 5!

Pre-season task 3: Goal setting

This would have to be the task that I have had the most trouble with so far.  I guess in part it's because if I get pregnant by the end of the 12WBT, the goals will no longer be achievable.  If I don't get pregnant by the end of this 12WBT, I wonder whether I'm setting myself up for failure.  And there you have it folks, that element of doubt, that seedling of wonderment, wondering whether I will be able to do it.  I know in my heart of hearts I can, but that scared little girl in the back of my mind tells me, but what if you can't?  Now is the time to shut that little brat up once and for all, by making some goals that I can work towards.

So, here goes...

Weight

• To lose at least 1kg per week
• To get back into double figures (the 90's)
• To weigh less than my boyfriend (94kg)
• To lose at least 12kg during the 12WBT
• To get back into the 80's (on the scales that is!)
• To lose at least 24kg in 6 months
• To lose at least 40kg in 12 months

Exercise

• To burn 400 calories in a workout by the end of week 2 
• To burn 500 calories in a workout by the end of week 4
• To complete C25K program in the allotted time.

Clothes

• To fit back into size 16
• To fit back into size 14
• To fit back into size 12

Misc goals

• To get pregnant (the BIG one, the motivator) 
• To maintain a good diet and regular exercise when I move, despite losing my routine - I'll manage this by being organised before I leave Sydney and knowing what items from the kitchen (mainly spices etc) I will need for the week before my Sydney Boy flies up to be with me.  I'll have a good filling breakfast before I leave home on Saturday morning, pack my snacks, and also take a packed lunch so there's no temptations at the airport or on the way to my in-law's place.  I'll go straight to the shops on my way to their place so I can get all the food I need for dinner that night so I am not tempted by unhealthy take away.  Exercise wise, I'll make Saturday my day off training as this I think will be the busiest day with the least time.  On Sunday, I will use my exercise time to go for a jog/walk around the neighbourhood and get acquainted with where things are so I'm making good use of my time.

Rewards

I have had a hard time thinking of anything I could use as rewards.  The obvious ones that aren't food related (massage, pedicure etc) are all things I'd get done anyway so I don't think they can be used as rewards, at least not at the moment because there's little motivation in me saying today, when I reach 10kg loss, I will get a pedicure because by then, I'll have had 2 of them or something so there'll be little point.  I think as I hit 5kg losses, I'll decide then and there what I want to use as a reward for my next goal - it might be going to the movies to see a new release movie that I really want to see, or it could be buying a new outfit I've spotted.  I think doing this will make it more relevant and motivating. 

If you think it, you will be it

I've been thinking a lot over the last few days and conveniently got Mish's other book Crunchtime in the mail yesterday and started reading it last night.


In her book, Mish talks about using the word, "hopefully" as in "hopefully I'll lose XXXkg by XXX"  instead of saying "I will lose XXXkg by XXX".  She says that using the word "hopefully" means we're setting ourselves up for the possibility of failing instead of being positive and aiming to achieve what it is you're wanting to achieve.  I didn't realise how much I use that word "hopefully" until I started to think about it.  Even this afternoon during my PT session, my PT said something about the weight dropping off me if I keep going the way I am to which I replied, "hopefully".  No sooner did the word come out of my mouth, did I realise what I was saying to myself.  I was chucking one leg on each side of the fence so if I did achieve that goal, I could say to myself "well I knew I could do it" but if I didn't I'd be able to say "I knew it wouldn't happen" to quell that feeling of disappointment.  I quickly corrected myself and agreed that the weight will keep dropping off me if I keep going at it.  


It reminded me of that old saying "if you think it, you will be it" or words to that effect.  From now on, I'm going to pay great attention to the words I think (all that self talk) and the words I say to others to try and catch myself in thinking this way.


Of course, the saying "if you think it, you will be it", probably shouldn't be taken too literally.  After all, R Kelly sang, "I believe I can fly" but the closest to flying he'll ever do is in a Boeing 747 or a handglider etc, no matter how much he believes it.


Which I think is probably a good thought to ponder when considering my next pre-season task.  The goals have to be hard enough so that I don't just do some pansy arse effort because it's all too easy, but then they shouldn't be TOO hard that they're impossible (ie aiming to lose all 40kg in 12 weeks, or becoming a size 6 or whatever).  


Let me ponder some more on that...

Task 2: Get Real - No More Excuses

So our second pre-season task was thinking about the excuses we make for ourselves to either not exercise or not eat healthy and finding some solutions to them.  


I've been a bit slow in recording them as I really wanted to think long and hard about them and although at first I didn't think I had many, the more I thought about it, the more wrong I realised I was.  So here they are: 


Internal excuses:

• I'm too tired - Go to bed earlier instead of staying up so late!!!
• I'm too fat - If I keep exercising and eating right I won't be anymore, if I stop, I will be forever
• I'm not fit enough - Continuous exercise will change this - just do it
• People will laugh at me because I look silly/I feel out of place in the gym because they're all fit - If they laugh at me, that's their problem, who cares what they think.  I might look silly now but once I get the hang of it, I won't any more.  Anyway, who wants to be friends with people like that?!  If I keep going, I'll be one of the fit people.
• Miss XYZ can eat whatever she wants and not exercise and she isn't fat so this chocolate/cheesecake/ice cream etc won't hurt me - Miss XYZ must have good genes or is just lucky (or will suddenly balloon one day).  Maybe she does work out at the gym but doesn't tell anyone, or maybe she goes to the toilet and vomits it all back up.
• I've worked really hard so I deserve it - if I've worked hard, why spoil it with bad food? 
• A little bit won't hurt - A little bit WILL hurt because I'll want more
• I'm just big boned not fat -  Rubbish!  If I really were just big boned, why does my weight keep changing? 
• Some caffeine will keep me awake - Drinking water and getting some fresh air will also help wake me up.  So will going to bed earlier.

External Excuses (within my control):

• It's too hot/cold/windy/rainy - go to the gym, do a circuit inside comprising of sit ups, push ups, squats etc, get some of Mish's DVDs for such occasions
• I can't find/don't have any clean socks or don't have any clean gym gear - just wear what I've got - they're only going to get dirty anyway... and make sure I buy more socks and gym gear ASAP
• I can't afford it - cut spending in other areas, 
• I don't have time - make time - go straight after work or get up earlier and go before work.  This isn't optional.
• My knees/wrists hurt - find exercises I can do where it won't impact on these parts of my body.

The food diary

From this:

Chocolate self saucing pudding with a chocolate croissant

To this:

Open Chicken Burger

Chargrilled Chicken with tomato salsa

Grilled salmon with grilled zucchini and capsicum (one of my favourites so far!)

Chicken Rice Paper Rolls - also another favourite

Baked Beans with a fried egg (runny just the way I like it!)

Chicken, Apple, Walnut, Spinach and Feta Salad - my other favourite

and for a bit of fun...

I like to have a bit of fun with afternoon tea!

Motivation - Songs that make me go mmmmm

I've been reading some people's posts on the 12WBT forum and it's been interesting.  Some are scared of starting.  I'm not that kind of person.  My problem has never been that I've been scared of starting anything.  My problem now is not that I don't have support - my boyfriend for the most part is wonderful.  My problem is actually committing.  All too often, I have decided to start eating healthy the following day, and I'm usually fine until the 3pm binge, and then I go and spoil things.  When I commit to something, though, nothing stops me.


In the last 2 and a half weeks, I've started following MB's meal plan in her book Crunchtime Cookbook, and I have not slipped up once.  In two and a half weeks.  I feel like the light switch has finally been flicked on.


I thought I'd share some of the songs that are motivating me at the moment to go harder at the gym, songs that make me pedal faster on the exercise bike.


Cup of Life by Ricky Martin
I love this song and feel like it's my new theme song... With lyrics such as "And when you feel the heat. The world is at your feet, No one can hold you down. If you really want it, Just steal your destiny. Right from the hands of fate, Reach for the cup of life. 'Cause your name is on it, Do you really want it..." how can you not be motivated by this song??!







I'm Free (Heaven Helps the Man) Kenny Loggins
I love this song and it's my second theme song.  I know the song is about a relationship and fighting for the one you love, but why can't it also be about the most important relationship of all: the one you have with yourself?  Here's the lyrics so you can see what I mean:


Looking into your eyes I know I'm right
If there's anything worth my love it's worth a fight
We only get one chance
But nothing ties our hands
You're what I want
Listen to me
Nothing I want
Is out of my reach

Chorus
(I'M FREE)
HEAVEN HELPS THE MAN who fights his fear
Love's the only thing that keeps me here
You're the reason that I'm hanging on
My heart's staying where my heart belongs
(I'M FREE)

Running away will never make me free
And nothing we sign is any kind of guarantee
But I wanna hold you now
And I won't hold you down

I'm shaking the past
Making my breaks
Taking control
If that's what it takes 





S&M by Rhianna
Seriously, doesn't this make you feel just a little bit naughty?! Every time I'm on the bike and I hear this song, it reminds me how I'd love to wear sexy lingerie again for my Sydney Boy (and actually feel sexy wearing it!!!)... 



The Pretender by the Foo Fighters
Love love love this song... I've actually banned myself from listening to it in the car because it makes me speed.  It also has the same effect when I'm on the exercise bike, but that's a much safer option... ;)





That's all for now, I'll add more at a later date.


Ree
xxxx

Intro

So this is me.  This is where I start.  My 12WBT is about to begin.


A little about me:
I'm 25 years old and live in Sydney with my darling boyfriend, let's call him Sydney Boy... I won't bore you with our love story, but if you're really bored and really interested, you can check out my old blog: http://a-datebook.blogspot.com/


Where I've come from:
I've always been overweight, although growing up, I was told that I was just 'big boned'.  I was picked on at school (weren't we all?) and often called Fat-Maree (instead of Ann-Maree).  


I always hated sport and my grandmother or my mother would usually be persuaded to write me a note so I didn't have to participate.  I hated it partly because of the teasing I copped from others, and also because I felt uncoordinated.  The only thing I enjoyed was netball which I played once a week.


My mum worked split shifts, so it was left to my grandmother to feed and bathe me etc.  My grandmother used to cook the same thing every night: meat and two veges.  Which, I guess was sort of healthy (if you don't count the sausages) but the desert that followed sure wasn't.  I guess this is where my love of sweet foods came from.  After my mum finished working due to injury when I was in year 6, she wasn't much used to cooking and couldn't cope with having to cook a meal every night for my dad, my brother and myself as she was so used to heating up what my grandmother had cooked instead.  So, pretty soon, our dinner used to consist of anything that was in a box that could be nuked (ie microwaved) or put in the oven.  She used to struggle with her weight (and still does) and so when she did go on a health kick, salads would be boring and consist of something like iceberg lettuce, tomato, cheese and ham.  I never realised salad could be even remotely delicious!


Where I want to be:
I want to get down to a healthy weight.  I want to be able to wear a bikini on the beach again.  I want to be able to buy knee high boots and not have to pay hundreds of dollars when others can get a pair for $50 from Target.  I want to feel more attractive than I do.  I want a baby and being overweight is not going to help get me pregnant, or help me have an easy pregnancy (is there even such a thing?! ).  I don't need to lose a lot of weight at once, as long as I'm consistently losing some weight I know one day I'll get to where I need and want to be.


How will I get there? 
I've just joined Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation.  I will work toward my goals with the guidance of Michelle Bridges meal plans and exercise routine.  This blog will record my journey.


Sit back, pop open your water (no more coffee or bubbles for me!) and enjoy the ride.  I have a feeling, it's gonna be one hell of a ride!

Hello!

This is just a quick hello from me.  I'll do a proper post tomorrow night if I get time after I get home from the gym.

Ree